5, 10, 15, 20
You’re starting to run out of money.
25, 30, 35, 40
Your socks and sandals look so sporty.
40, 50, 60, 70
The hair in your ears is oh so heavenly.
71, 72, 73, 74
You cannot bend and touch the floor.
Congratulations, you’re 75!
Be happy that you’re still alive!
—
I know you want to hide the year,
You’ve reached on this birthday.
But there are things we see and hear,
That give your age away.
I rang your phone at 8 last night,
And much to my surprise,
You’d already turned out all the lights,
And closed your sleepy eyes.
Your little black book that used to be
Filled with friends to call,
Now only has names end with “MD,”
Which is good, if you should fall.
Your knees will buckle, but your pants will not.
And your medicine cabinet’s stocked,
You can’t decide if you’re cold or hot,
And your forgot your door’s not locked.
The little old lady you helped cross the street,
Turned out to be your wife.
You didn’t hear me, so I’ll repeat,
“Happy seventy-five!”
—
Today you reached 75,
That’s quite a milestone!
You’re probably too old to drive,
And bending over makes you groan.
—
Today I baked you a cake,
With 75 candles to light.
A giant inferno it did make,
And gave us quite a fright.
We called a truck of fire men,
To deal with the blaze,
We know to limit the candles to ten,
For any more birthdays.
—
I love the way your ear hair,
Is thicker than what’s on your head.
And by seven you’re ready to climb the stairs,
And put yourself to bed.
One thing we really like a lot,
Is watching the weather channel.
And even though the weather’s hot,
Your sheets are made of flannel.
You’re getting up there at 75,
But you have a good pension plan.
I’m really happy you’re still alive,
And that you are my man!
—
Now that you are 75,
You have to get creative,
About how to help your body thrive,
And not get vegetative.
Physical health is crucial
This you can’t deny.
Be a pall bearer at a funeral
To get some exercise.
You have to be proactive
To keep from getting chubby.
You’d look much more attractive
If you just sucked in your tummy.
Being social, too,
Is what they recommend.
If your back goes out more than you do,
You need to make some friends.
The years have made you more refined,
Like a piece of fine art.
Age is just a state of mind,
And you are young at heart.
—
Why is it so awkward
To use the telephone?
You just want to call the doctor
About your kidney stone.
But somehow you keep taking pictures
Of your feet instead.
You’re getting madder and sicker,
And your face is turning brick red.
You toss the phone across the room
And curse technology,
Fighting a sense of impending doom,
You need to get to Urology!
It isn’t easy getting old
And now that you’re 75,
You could be killed by the common cold,
So be happy that you’re still alive!