I’ve always called you an old man even though you are just now turning 70.
Your hair fell out long ago, and your mind is decades past its warranty.
It’s not safe to trust you with a knife or behind the wheel of a car.
If you’re up for it, I will take you to celebrate at the bar.
—
Once you turn 70, it becomes acceptable to use the bathroom in your pants.
You can pee in the yard and pretend you’re watering grandma’s plants.
Growing old is a gift because people start to ignore the little things.
Do what you enjoy the most as there is no telling what tomorrow brings.
—
At 70, you may no longer be sharp or in the best of health.
Everything will be fine as long as your spirit is full of wealth.
Things may slip out, like farts and naughty words.
Living with regret about the past is strictly for the birds.
—
Old men are nothing like an aged fine wine.
In fact, they grow more bitter the longer they sit.
I’m sure that you wish that you were still age 69.
It’s impossible to go back a year, even if you throw a fit.
—
Grandma is a brave lady for dealing with your crap.
All you want to do each day is whine, eat, and nap.
Luckily for the rest of us, you still seem as sharp as ever.
If we could, we would keep you here with us forever.
—
Wrinkles are a proudly worn badge of smiles from the past.
It is obvious that you spent your 70 years having a blast.
You’ve transformed from looking handsome into resembling a scrunched-up dog.
Don’t get down about it by acting like a bump on a log.
—
It’s obvious you miss the days of being a big, strong man.
Not everyone grows old as gracefully as others can.
You’re only 70 years young, which means you should still be having fun.
There are so many bets to make and races yet to be won.
—
Feeling young and carefree is something I’m sure you barely recall.
It’s nearly impossible to get around without almost taking a fall.
You show the signs of being 70, but not the spirit of being old.
It isn’t easy to hold down someone with a heart that shines gold.
—
Getting older enables people to enjoy living life more.
There is less emphasis on stress, annoyances, or being bored.
At 70 years old, there isn’t an original gift left to give to you.
I will take something out of your closet and pretend like it is new.
—
As a child, you always told me to take my time and enjoy the ride.
I can see now that this was one instance that you never lied.
You have no regrets in the life you have lead in an exciting 70 years.
It’s your birthday and all I got you was a case of beer.